Who Wants to Swing?!!

If marriage is a monogamous bond between two individuals then why are many couples participating in a swinging lifestyle? Has swinging become a viable form of sexual behavior in which respectable people engage in? Swinging is the consensual exchange of marital partners for sexual intercourse. Swingers suggest that boredom with marriage, routine marital sex, and desire for a different form of sexual intimacy all reasons why married couples swing. As couples have been together for an extensive period of time, some feel as if their marriage has become stagnant, and lacks a certain spark that the relationship once had. “Several couples in the sample stated that they had become somewhat routinized in their relationships, and that behaviors became predictable both of a personal and sexual nature. By even deciding to explore the possibility of swinging, this initial decision appeared to be enlivening their relationship and became a focal part of their discussion and planning” (Holmes & Holmes, 2002).

A problem being married for a lengthy time is boredom with sex. When a couple’s sex life becomes predictable or non-existent they often become uninterested in sex with their spouse. Married couples want to relive the days when they were young and sex was spontaneous and passionate not dull and predictable. “As several said, they could not only reliably predict when the partner would be sexually approachable, but also would be the next move in their sexual script with one another” (Holmes & Holmes, 2002). This kind of predictability leads couples to search for different avenues for sexual satisfaction, which could be found in the swinging.

Many couples express that swinging is an outlet for what they consider to be abnormal sexual desires. Sometimes people feel awkward talking to their spouse about sexual fantasies. Individuals fear rejection and being considered anomalous. However, couples would rather be rejected from someone they don’t know rather than their spouse. One swinger said his fantasies were to pretend to have sex with a corpse and to engage in anal sex . . . he would never ask his wife to do that because he believed she would think him to be weird or perverted. His wife totally opposed anal sex, whereas he found some of his partners to be very willing and other not. Nevertheless, he is willing to risk rejection from a stranger, but not from his wife (Holmes & Holmes, 2002).

The following are Holmes benefits to swinging: swinging could enhance your marriage by opening up a new line of communication, couples learn new sexual techniques that they can use in their personal sex life, couples feel as if they could talk about anything because their sexual relationships with others are not concealed , and this form of sexual activity helps lower sexual inhibitions. The more someone participates in the swinger lifestyle the more they are willing to open up sexually and try new things with their spouse and swinging partner. Many marriages deteriorate due to the lack of an undesirable sex life. Therefore, swinging can help couples stay together and satisfy their sexual needs in an open marriage.

On the other hand, many believe that swinging has its liabilities. One of the biggest concerns about swinging is discretion. If other people find out about your lifestyle it could be detrimental to how society views you. One couple stated that they were ridiculed by their community and that they had to leave the state. Contracting unwanted diseases is another major fear related to swinging. Children’s discovery is the most important concern of all. Children can be cruel and have the ability to cause emotional devastation if they find out that someone’s parents swing and decide to tease. Forced membership is a big issue in swinging as the husband is typically the one who forces the wife into swing while it is often the wife who wants to continue the lifestyle. The husband is usually the first to become jealous, which can cause a strain on the relationship and potentially lead to divorce.