If marriage is a monogamous bond between two individuals then why are many couples participating in a swinging lifestyle? Has swinging become a viable form of sexual behavior in which respectable people engage in? Swinging is the consensual exchange of marital partners for sexual intercourse. Swingers suggest that boredom with marriage, routine marital sex, and desire for a different form of sexual intimacy all reasons why married couples swing. As couples have been together for an extensive period of time, some feel as if their marriage has become stagnant, and lacks a certain spark that the relationship once had. “Several couples in the sample stated that they had become somewhat routinized in their relationships, and that behaviors became predictable both of a personal and sexual nature. By even deciding to explore the possibility of swinging, this initial decision appeared to be enlivening their relationship and became a focal part of their discussion and planning” (Holmes & Holmes, 2002).
A problem being married for a lengthy time is boredom with sex. When a couple’s sex life becomes predictable or non-existent they often become uninterested in sex with their spouse. Married couples want to relive the days when they were young and sex was spontaneous and passionate not dull and predictable. “As several said, they could not only reliably predict when the partner would be sexually approachable, but also would be the next move in their sexual script with one another” (Holmes & Holmes, 2002). This kind of predictability leads couples to search for different avenues for sexual satisfaction, which could be found in the swinging.
Many couples express that swinging is an outlet for what they consider to be abnormal sexual desires. Sometimes people feel awkward talking to their spouse about sexual fantasies. Individuals fear rejection and being considered anomalous. However, couples would rather be rejected from someone they don’t know rather than their spouse. One swinger said his fantasies were to pretend to have sex with a corpse and to engage in anal sex . . . he would never ask his wife to do that because he believed she would think him to be weird or perverted. His wife totally opposed anal sex, whereas he found some of his partners to be very willing and other not. Nevertheless, he is willing to risk rejection from a stranger, but not from his wife (Holmes & Holmes, 2002).
The following are Holmes benefits to swinging: swinging could enhance your marriage by opening up a new line of communication, couples learn new sexual techniques that they can use in their personal sex life, couples feel as if they could talk about anything because their sexual relationships with others are not concealed , and this form of sexual activity helps lower sexual inhibitions. The more someone participates in the swinger lifestyle the more they are willing to open up sexually and try new things with their spouse and swinging partner. Many marriages deteriorate due to the lack of an undesirable sex life. Therefore, swinging can help couples stay together and satisfy their sexual needs in an open marriage.
On the other hand, many believe that swinging has its liabilities. One of the biggest concerns about swinging is discretion. If other people find out about your lifestyle it could be detrimental to how society views you. One couple stated that they were ridiculed by their community and that they had to leave the state. Contracting unwanted diseases is another major fear related to swinging. Children’s discovery is the most important concern of all. Children can be cruel and have the ability to cause emotional devastation if they find out that someone’s parents swing and decide to tease. Forced membership is a big issue in swinging as the husband is typically the one who forces the wife into swing while it is often the wife who wants to continue the lifestyle. The husband is usually the first to become jealous, which can cause a strain on the relationship and potentially lead to divorce.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Marriage was once viewed as a permanent bond between two people before God. Traditional marriage vows say, “Through sickness and health, till death do us part”; yet nearly half of all marriages today will end in divorce. So why do so many marriages end in divorce? Traditional reasons for divorce would include money, infidelity, and lack of intimacy. The lack of money in a relationship tends to add pressure on a marriage. “If this couple will earn a modest $50,000 as a family, their odds of seeing their 15th anniversary jump to 68%” (Bronson & Ashely, 2006). In marriage, money goes a long way. Money doesn’t mean that people will be happy in marriage, but it does relieve some of the pressure and stress in a marriage.
Infidelity is another major reason why many marriages fail. According to Infidelity Facts, infidelity is likely to occur within the first two years of marriage. “This is the time when the whirlwind ends, and routine begins to set in. The emotional high that both partners experienced is gone. This leaves a void. It is similar to the effects of drugs. Once you are high and come back down, you want to get high again. The new husband or wife may no longer consistently supply what is needed to find that high” (Infidelity Facts, 2006).
Lack of intimacy also is a major factor that leads to infidelity and ultimately divorce. “If a chart is drawn with years of marriage and the frequency of intimacy, the line drops off pretty rapidly after three years and the drop is even sharper for couples with kids” (Coda, 2005). When lack of intimacy becomes a factor in a marriage often spouses go looking for that intimacy in other places, whether it is emotional or physical. Spouses who seek emotional intimacy often end up engaging in physical intimacy as well.
I don’t know if earning fifty thousand dollars as a family increases couple’s chance of seeing their fifteenth anniversary by sixty-eight percent. Today, it is hard for couples to even make their fifth year anniversary let alone the fifteenth whether or not you are financially stable. Infidelity s seems to be a major issue when talking about marriages and divorce. “Infidelity is always destructive, and often fatal, to a marriage” (Swenson, 2009). It does make sense that spouses would cheat after the first couple of years in a marriage, because that is when it is less likely to be suspected. People are always searching for that same high that they just came down from in the beginning of the marriage. Lack of intimacy is relevant to the question of why people are getting divorced. Whether people want to admit it or not sex is an instrumental part of a marriage. When the intimacy is lacking or is gone, people begin to have wandering eyes. The article does reflect a weakness. According to the article Infidelity facts, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, but what the article doesn’t include is how many couples married in a single year and how many of those same couples divorced in that year. That would give us a better understanding of what the divorce rate.
According to Pierre Coda money is not a major issue in marriage. There are many people that live in poverty that love each other and are happily married. Money, infidelity, and lack of intimacy are all major factors on why people get divorced. The saying goes, “Love will conquer all,” but apparently this is not true. Considering the facts, would it be wise to say that you should avoid the alter and those two words, “I Do.”
Bibliography
Bronson, P., & Ashely, M. (2006, June 30). Time. Retrieved from http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1209784,00.html#ixzz0r5fHieac
Coda, P. (2005). Not Enough Intimacy in the Marriage? Retrieved from My Nippon: http://www.mynippon.com
Infidelity Facts. (2006). Infidelity Facts and Information. Retrieved from Infidelity Facts: http://www.infidelityfacts.com
Swenson, G. (2009, April 19). Coping With Infidelity In Marriage. Retrieved August 15, 2010, from Infidelity: http://www.gregswensonphd.com/infidelity.htm#5
Infidelity is another major reason why many marriages fail. According to Infidelity Facts, infidelity is likely to occur within the first two years of marriage. “This is the time when the whirlwind ends, and routine begins to set in. The emotional high that both partners experienced is gone. This leaves a void. It is similar to the effects of drugs. Once you are high and come back down, you want to get high again. The new husband or wife may no longer consistently supply what is needed to find that high” (Infidelity Facts, 2006).
Lack of intimacy also is a major factor that leads to infidelity and ultimately divorce. “If a chart is drawn with years of marriage and the frequency of intimacy, the line drops off pretty rapidly after three years and the drop is even sharper for couples with kids” (Coda, 2005). When lack of intimacy becomes a factor in a marriage often spouses go looking for that intimacy in other places, whether it is emotional or physical. Spouses who seek emotional intimacy often end up engaging in physical intimacy as well.
I don’t know if earning fifty thousand dollars as a family increases couple’s chance of seeing their fifteenth anniversary by sixty-eight percent. Today, it is hard for couples to even make their fifth year anniversary let alone the fifteenth whether or not you are financially stable. Infidelity s seems to be a major issue when talking about marriages and divorce. “Infidelity is always destructive, and often fatal, to a marriage” (Swenson, 2009). It does make sense that spouses would cheat after the first couple of years in a marriage, because that is when it is less likely to be suspected. People are always searching for that same high that they just came down from in the beginning of the marriage. Lack of intimacy is relevant to the question of why people are getting divorced. Whether people want to admit it or not sex is an instrumental part of a marriage. When the intimacy is lacking or is gone, people begin to have wandering eyes. The article does reflect a weakness. According to the article Infidelity facts, nearly half of all marriages end in divorce, but what the article doesn’t include is how many couples married in a single year and how many of those same couples divorced in that year. That would give us a better understanding of what the divorce rate.
According to Pierre Coda money is not a major issue in marriage. There are many people that live in poverty that love each other and are happily married. Money, infidelity, and lack of intimacy are all major factors on why people get divorced. The saying goes, “Love will conquer all,” but apparently this is not true. Considering the facts, would it be wise to say that you should avoid the alter and those two words, “I Do.”
Bibliography
Bronson, P., & Ashely, M. (2006, June 30). Time. Retrieved from http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1209784,00.html#ixzz0r5fHieac
Coda, P. (2005). Not Enough Intimacy in the Marriage? Retrieved from My Nippon: http://www.mynippon.com
Infidelity Facts. (2006). Infidelity Facts and Information. Retrieved from Infidelity Facts: http://www.infidelityfacts.com
Swenson, G. (2009, April 19). Coping With Infidelity In Marriage. Retrieved August 15, 2010, from Infidelity: http://www.gregswensonphd.com/infidelity.htm#5
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