Dealing With The In-Laws

When you get married you’re not only marrying the person you love but also their family as well. The in-laws are an important part of your spouse's life, which automatically makes them an important part of your life. As if marriage alone is not difficult enough outside influences such as in-laws can cause an enormous strain on the marriage. When there are overbearing in-laws, how do you deal with them without causing conflict within your marriage? The material suggests that when dealing with in-laws it is essential to work with your spouse and establish boundaries with the in-laws.

When an issue arises involving in-laws you should always discuss it with your spouse first. Your approach is everything. Be careful not to accuse the in-law when talking with your spouse, but rather address a certain problem or concern. You should never go behind your spouse’s back when dealing with your in-laws. “Discuss the issue together and avoid accusatory statements. Try to focus on the actual problem and develop a solution that you are both comfortable with” (Roman, 2009). Team work will assure one another that each of you is on the same page. One must understand the bond the spouse has with its family and try to support that relationship. “It is important to never put your spouse in a situation where he or she is outwardly forced to choose between you and a relative” (Roman, 2009). It is almost impossible for any good to come of this.

It is critical to establish boundaries with your in-laws. There should be specific guidelines of what you do and don’t expect out of them. It is easy for in-laws to become too involved, to the point that they are no longer helping the marriage but actually hurting it. “That love and concern can go seriously wrong, though, when the respective families become overly involved (a.k.a. intrusive) in the newly established family's life” (Nicole, 2006). It is common for in-laws to want to give advice and show you how you should do things but at the same time you must remember that this is your marriage.

Roman and Nicole suggest the best way to deal with overbearing in-laws is to communicate with one another and to establish boundaries that the in-laws must abide by. Roman’s and Nicole assertion regarding how to deal with in-laws is vital. Conflict with the in-laws usually leads to conflict with your spouse because there is a strong bond between most spouses’ and their family. Roman and Nicole also make note that every situation is different and not all in-laws have a negative impact on a marriage. Therefore, I don’t think that they were bias.

The opinions on the matter were about all the same. I agree with authors, Roman and Nicole, that working together and establishing boundaries are the best way to get along with domineering in-laws. Majority of the articles addressed the fact that a spouse not only marries his/her beloved, but also marries into the beloved’s family. They also state that newlyweds need to establish their own independent married life. Finally, majority of the articles states that communication is within the marriage and also with the in-laws is the key to dealing with domineering in-laws.

Bibliography
Nicole, D. (2006). Establishing Boundaries with Families, In-Laws, Step-Children, and Former Spouses. Lifestyle .
Roman, M. (2009). Dealing With the In-laws. Family Marriage .